Sunday, November 6, 2016

Trusting through the unknown

In the last few days, I have done a lot of thinking. For both Jen and I, this is the hardest challenge we have ever faced. There have been moments when I have felt that acutely, but most of the time, I'm just not focused on the difficulty. I have felt stretched, certainly, but the normal day-to-day things (travel, calendar, schedules, vehicle maintenance, church responsibilities, etc.) Often feel more difficult than Timmy's situation.

We know there are still too many possibilities to have any certainty in what will happen - when Timmy will come home, what home care will look like, what Timmy's future looks like, . . .but we have determined to trust God and give Him the glory in any circumstance.

That is a statement not made in a light or flippant way, and a lot of thought and prayer has gone into what that may look like. I have thought through some tough questions like "How can I trust with an unknown outcome?" That's a tough question, even though trust implies not knowing the outcome. You see, if we know the outcome, there is no reason to trust. I have been guilty of using that type of trust - a 'trust' that is limited to a certain outcome, a certain blessing, or a certain answer.

I have trusted God for jobs, for safety, for finances, for many things. This is different. So I want to share why I can trust with an unknown result, even one so important. I can trust because I am not trusting in a situation, I am trusting in a person. I have recently trusted siblings, parents, friends and neighbors to help watch the kids at home. It has been easy to do that because I know the people I have been trusting. The same is true with trusting God. It is easier to trust because I know Him. In particular, He has shown a love for me that no one else has ever shown me. As I contemplate what the future hold for one of my seven sons (knowing I have no guarantees for any of my children at any moment), I remember that God gave his only son for me. The death and resurrection of Jesus is historical fact. Well attested to, and super easy to disprove at the time of it were not true. Because of that miracle, I choose to trust what Jesus said about that miracle. He said the He did it for me - paying the penalty for my sins so that I could be forgiven. Because of that gift, I know God's heart and character are worthy of my trust. It isn't always easy, and our minds lose that focus at times. But it is amazingly awesome to trust, and to feel God's perfect peace.

We're still praying for a miracle, and will continue to. But we will praise Him in everything.

The update today is that weight seems to still be staying stable, he is resting well. A g-tube will be put in on Tuesday, with them weaning him off the vent soon after. The kids will see him tomorrow for the first time in over six weeks, and we are taking steps to get Timmy home.

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