Over the last week and a half, we have been through a lot. From having a sick boy and not knowing what was wrong, to watching him take his last breath, to having services for him.
In that time, I cannot remember all of the instances of people suggesting grief counseling, or mentioning grief, or asking how we are doing. And we appreciate the concern and care people continue to show. Just today, flowers were delivered to the house from some friends, another friend dropped off some custom jewelry pieces containing an image of Timmy, and a gift basket is to be delivered later today for Timmy's 8 siblings.
It dawned on me rather quickly that the sorrow we felt was not going to be the passing sorrow of missing out on ice cream, or the sorrow over a favorite team losing a big game. But the continued sorrow of not being able to hold my boy, not being able to give him any more of the kisses I used to give him by the dozen, not being able to hear his voice babbling happily next to me or from the next room.
So far, we are doing well at guilt management. We are making plans to do some things we have not been able to do the last couple of years. I know the temptation will be there to feel guilty that we are able to do things now that Timmy is gone, but I also know we willing set aside some things to be able to care for Timmy the best we knew how, and as his care is no longer necessary, we don't want to dishonor him by not carrying on our lives. Timmy's life was a miracle and a blessing and a wonder. He loved life and was never one to hold back.
So what do we do about the sorrow?
Well, it's going to be around for a while, so we ought to learn something about it. Where do I get my answers? Where I've gotten them along the whole journey we've had with Timmy - in the Bible. God's love notes to me. So, I have started by printing off the 108 verses in the Bible with the word 'sorrow' in them. I added the 48 verses with 'mourning' in them, and finished off by printing the 187 verses with the word 'joy' in them. I have my work cut out for me. And plenty to learn along the way.
So far, I have learned quite a bit about sorrow. The first reference to sorrow is when God confronted Adam and Eve in the garden after they sinned and ate from the tree God told them they could not eat from. God told Eve she would have sorrow in childbirth, and Adam that he would eat of the fruit of the ground in sorrow. God took two of the biggest gifts that he had given man, and mixed in sorrow with them. To be honest, I have always seen this as a form of punishment, but not any more. Let me tell you why.
The last reference to sorrow in the Bible is in Revelation 21:4.
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."
The removal of sorrow comes as sin and death are done away with forever - 'for the former things are passed away.' In other words, God has given man sorrow since the fall of man, until the ultimate redemption of man and all of creation.
Then, I kept looking at references to sorrow. In the Psalms, sorrow drove David to seek the Lord. In Exodus, the sorrow of God's people was motivation for God to act on their behalf. In Leviticus and Deuteronomy, it was part of the correction God would bring to his people to bring them back to him. In I Samuel, it was what caused Hannah to cry out to God. And then the references to 'godly sorrow,' and I thought of a few verses from the Proverbs:
"Two things have I required of thee; deny me them not before I die: Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain."
- Proverbs 30:7-9
Don't give me too much that I forget God. With all the good gifts God has given, it would be easy to forget him. If we satisfy ourselves with everything else, in fact, there is little room for God. Illustrated very well in the culture we live in. (Not pointing fingers here, I am a part of the culture, and fall prey to it as well) But sorrow. Sorrow is there to remind us that we need God. In that respect, sorrow is a gift.
I mentioned that I used to see sorrow as a punishment from God for disobedience. That is no longer the case. Without sorrow, we would all forget God. Sure, it doesn't sound like that hurts us too much, until we realize that this physical life is temporary, but God made man to be eternal. This life is just the first short act of a much longer production. And the first short act is the only time we have when we can choose to follow God. Without sorrow, none of us would chose God. And all of us would throw away the joys of a much longer, fuller, rewarding life than we can ever achieve in this life. Sorrow is a gift. You see, I don't need God as a crutch to get through the difficult days we are going through. I need God because I am an eternal being created to be in fellowship with God. Sorrow, in all of its forms, reminds us of that need.
There are lots of things in life we don't enjoy, but go through for the good that they bring: exercise, discipline, immunizations, medical procedures, sometimes even things like work. In one respect, I certainly don't enjoy sorrow, but I can consider it a blessing for what it does in me. I don't enjoy sorrow, but I also take comfort in knowing that sorrow means I cared for the life God entrusted to our care for that time.
I don't know what sorrows you face each day, nor would I expect you to jump up and down with joy to greet the sorrow, but I hope you can appreciate the gift of sorrow in your life as we are learning to do in ours.
