If you've been following for long, you know the anniversary isn't because Timmy is married, but because Timmy came home from the hospital 1 year ago today. What a difference a year makes!
I look back at last year's posts and I see what I wrote, but I also remember what we felt. We were excited to be coming home, but we were also overwhelmed at the responsibility we were taking on. We were anxious over whether Timmy would even make it through the week. We were even slightly terrified by what lay ahead. We were low on sleep. And we were a little tense. If you know us well, you may be able to see all of that in the picture of Jen holding Timmy at home a year ago.
It took a while for the tension to lessen. There was a month or so of sleeping on couches in the living room. There were to-do lists to be prepared for what would come next. Even getting family pictures taken was tainted by "This could be our last family pictures with Timmy." I talked to the people at the funeral home. We bought cemetery plots to be ready. But slowly, the tension has faded.
The tension today is a different tension. In a way, we are still overwhelmed at times. There is still apprehension (isn't that a great word to use instead of saying 'fear?') over how to move forward with the new normal in our lives. And, yes, we love the new normal! (Timmy still with us and growing and developing) We wouldn't trade it for the expected outcome we were given at the hospital. We know we've been blessed beyond all expectations that were given to us, or that we had on our own. God has been very good in even giving us this milestone! And we'll take every other milestone He gives us. Today's tension involves a regulated feeding schedule, medication schedule, therapy schedule and a regular schedule of throwing up what we feed him. It involves cleaning up an insane amount of outfits, burp cloths and blankets from when he decides to not keep his food down. It involves a lot of effort to do things we used to take for granted. But, in a sense, it is a good tension. One that blesses and frustrates at the same time.
I'd like to say that the past 14 months has prepared us to be ready to face whatever may come, but I know that isn't true. What I can say is that God will prepare us to face whatever will come. Why? Because I learned that life had not prepared me for the last 14 months, but God met that need. He prepared us, He walked with us through it, He provided daily for what we needed and much, much more.
So, Happy Anniversary, Timmy! Please know that we are blessed to have you in our lives.